Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
