Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
