Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
