btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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