I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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