remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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