Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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