I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
