i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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