someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
