So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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