y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a hot homeless man
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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