we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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