Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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