just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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