Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
whose parrot is this?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
