You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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