Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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