Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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