I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
