Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
