Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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