NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
