The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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