positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
