dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
