I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
