I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
