Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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