So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
