pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
