If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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