I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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