i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
