Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
