The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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