There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
