I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
