this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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