I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
