Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
