I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
