I puked a lego.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
