If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
