I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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