He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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