I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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