you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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