Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
