I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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