You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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