Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
