i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
