Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
