He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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