hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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