oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
