My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
