the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
