:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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