i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
