just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
