Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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