I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
