WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
