my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
