I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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